Well I thought I should touch base before the BIG DAY on Wednesday. That's right! Our doctor's appointment via telephone is just two days away!! When you are sick, and stuck at home, time lingers on; days run together; now, it feels like this is pressing upon us so suddenly. That which I have been putting off in my mind is so close. Potentially life changing information awaits: our test results. ALL of them. And as dramatic as all of that  sounds, I am feeling quite calm.

When we were down in the States, as much as we learned, I sort of expected...more. More in the sense that I thought drastic changes in treatment would come immediately after. Knowing now that it didn't work out like that then, and that I have no control over the outcome of what lies ahead (or the timeline in which it will unfold), I have a sense of peace. (Kind of the "ignorance is bliss" type, perhaps?)

I recently read an article about a man who lost a fighting battle with cancer. It was heart wrenching, and enlightening. He missed so many major events in his final days; and, while I could identify with a lot of what he was saying, it helped me to realise this: I am not dying. At one point I may have been; without treatment, that could've be the direction I ended up heading. But I have hope that we are on the right track, on the road to recovery, and to be able to see the big picture again is a gift that man left behind for me: that this is not forever. This is not forever.

You never know who's going to touch your life, or whose life you will end up touching. But I am so grateful for that gift from a stranger.

We are also still on the hunt for the perfect live-in-nanny. Is there such a thing? I am struggling so much with the fact that I have to take this whole "letting go" thing to the next level. I don't know how to reconcile who I want to be as a mother with who I have to be.

Please pray for us? That our hearts may be prepared for what is to come, that God leads us to the person who is just right for our family, and that we may have the strength to keep on fighting for our lives as a family-- no matter what.


  "But you, LORD, are a shield around me,
   my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
  
   I call out to the LORD,
   and he answers me from his holy mountain.

   I lie down and sleep;
   I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. 
   I will not fear though tens of thousands
   assail me on every side."

   Psalm 3:3-6