I figure I should write since I left you all last on such a low note. First off, I want to say thank-you for all of the prayers that guided me out of that deep, dark pit and carried me closer to God. My heart is still heavy, but I have come a long way since I got my updated prognosis, and I know that our united prayers are the reason for that.

I also want to thank you for the overwhelming response of support, love, and acceptance. It is a scary thing to bare your soul like that; to admit you are weaker than you wish you were; and yet, I was surrounded with nothing but encouragement for being open with you all. I could try to hide my emotions, from myself or all of you, but I keep hearing this truth that we need to “allow ourselves to feel”—no matter what it is we are going through. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to feel angry, or depressed, or hopeless, or anything negative at all. But feeling those things, giving them a voice and then giving them to God, is going to make me a much healthier and lighter person in the end.

And now, for some updates! We were able to rent a wheelchair on the way home from our less-than-positive doctor’s appointment, and enjoy the Calgary Zoo-- as a family!! It was so nice to share in new experiences with Jack, firsthand. I even got to go on the merry-go-round with him (which was bittersweet, as I’d forgotten how badly Lyme patients can get motion sickness!) But, it was a gorgeous day, a wonderful time as a family, and just the distraction that I needed, even if my head was in the clouds a lot of the time.

Next up: you’re not going to believe this (well, maybe you will, but I sure didn’t!!) Our “full coverage” insurance might as well be “sixty percent coverage”, because unbeknownst to us, there is an annual cap on it; a $15,000 cap to be precise; a cap that we have exceeded. So for the remainder of the year, the bill is on us.

Some good news: we had to buy an oxygen concentrator earlier this summer, and as always, my diligent husband priced them out across the city. He found a company who quoted him well below what the rest did, and after hearing what a savings this quality brand offered over the phone, he asked them to send one our way. So, $850.00 (plus GST) later, our fancy-schmancy machine arrived. And two weeks after that, so did the bill. For almost THREE THOUSAND DOLLARS. Matt got on the phone right away to reconcile the discrepancy. This couldn’t be our bill. We were quoted less than nine hundred dollars. This was thousands of dollars. The mistake? The machine cost $2850.00, and since we only got a verbal quote, we mustn’t have heard the “twenty” before the “eight hundred and fifty dollars.” You are probably wondering where the good news is, and if I have gone crazy (I have, by the way, but the story does get better).

So, the woman put Matt on hold, and went back to listen to the “this call may be recorded for quality control” tape, and must have found out that the saleswoman really did say it so fast and/or quietly that it was obvious how he'd misheard her! But instead of pinning the blame on Matt for not hearing it right, or not requesting a hardcopy of the quote, she came back and said, “I am so sorry for the wait, sir. We understand that is quite a large difference, and as such, we will alter your bill immediately.” BAM. Just like that! Two THOUSAND dollars off our bill in a matter in minutes. Their mistake or not, they most certainly did not have to honour a verbal contract. It was nothing short of a miracle to so quickly and kindly have a huge lump sum just erased from our bill! God provides. All the time. Emotionally, and financially; and I am never ceased to be amazed by it.

And now, for some fantastic news!! Last night, for the first time since January (when I had to come home halfway through our anniversary dinner), my husband and I got to go on a date!!! Armed with a gift card we received last Christmas--and a desperate prayer on my part-- we attempted dinner, and after that: attended the second theatre movie we’d seen since Jack was born. And I would have to say, it was a success!! I didn’t feel well, that is true, but I was able to push through and enjoy myself. The restaurant and theatre were both much too loud, and my social skills less than refined (which came as a shock to me...who knew I would have difficulty making small talk with our waitress?) But as alien as I felt, it was amazing to spend time with Matt as husband and wife, and not caregiver and patient. To get dressed up for him; to see him as the handsome man I married; the man I love spending time with, was something my heart needed so badly. I didn’t forget for a moment I was sick (I was in too much pain for that!) but this was one of those times that pushing myself, while hard on my body, did wonders for my mental health.

So, while I am still longing for a “normal” (or should I say healthy) life, I am starting to find my balance again. I am able to look back and feel blessed with both the pit stops we made (to and from our appointment), as well as the time spent with our "family" down South, and not just focus on the disappointment of our doctor’s visit. I am trying to let go of the expectations I have for myself and just allow myself to be sick, and weak, and incapable when I need to (or as healthy people would say, to “take care of myself”). Please, don’t stop praying for me. I need nothing short of a miracle, and I would be so grateful if you would continue to storm heaven with me. 

My prayers are with each of you.

Blessings and peace,

Kate

"But in their distress they turned to the LORD, the God of Israel, 

and sought Him, and He was

found by them."

2 Chronicles 15:4

"When my spirit grows faint within me, it is you who know my way."

Psalm 142:3a

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let

your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

John 14:27