I keep putting off writing this update, because for some reason, I thought I had already shared the “latest news”.  I guess that’s what happens when you feature a guest post instead of writing your own. It still feels like an update! And yet, so much has happened since Jack’s birthday party. So much good.

Since the details of this post have already been written and dismissed in my mind, I am sure I am missing out on some information; hopefully it isn’t anything too important. You know that saying, “if it’s really important you’ll remember” or something to that effect? Drives. Me. Nuts. Clearly doesn’t apply to those with neurological deficits; and plain unfair to the person who just can’t put their finger on it.

Mother’s Day crept up almost unannounced. Time is a funny thing when you are sick: dragging by, and then gone all at once.  More often than not these days I find time just flies.  It is especially marked by the feeling of missing yet another one of life’s events. But not Mother’s Day. Not this year.  While being excruciatingly tired, I managed to get myself out of bed and out the door in time twenty-five minutes late for brunch.  I truly believe they should add that to “The List” of Lyme symptoms: chronic lateness. Mostly due to the fact that it is nearly impossible to wake up. Though I must say, with the help of sunlight and the SAD light upon waking up, it is finally getting easier to do so. I was far too sensitive to light before to even make that a possibility, so it is a milestone I am quite grateful for. 

Brunch was lovely.  Jack, as always, was thrilled to discover I was coming along. I received the usual joyful, “Hello Mommy!” chirped from the backseat, with an excited, “you’re coming, too?!!” as I entered the car. That alone gives me enough energy to keep going most trips. Besides getting to eat brunch next to my beautiful Grandmother and my little man, I was also able to keep my nephew occupied while we waited for the bill. But the best was yet to come! That afternoon, we packed up and headed to the park for a cook-out. It is a place that holds a lot of meaning for me; as a child, growing up, we spent many Father’s Day afternoons at that park with our extended family—racing siblings and cousins down the parallel slides.

  It is also the same place I met my husband for the first time; and later, the spot he brought me to when he proposed. We hadn’t been back since, and it was wonderful to be there together with our family. Matt brought my reclining lawn chair, which I expected to be in the whole time; but as it played out—I barely sat down the whole time! I raced my brother, sister-in-law, and son down those familiar slides (only to be beat by my son, I might add); I flew a kite with Jack, and later played Frisbee for a solid 15 minutes, both of which involved me running for the first time in 3 ½ years!! And, I walked much too far to find an indoor restroom at the end of it all, which left me spent, and needing Matt to carry me up the hill to our car.  But oh, it was so sweet while it lasted! (And being carried around by a sexy man isn't bad, either!) 

Jack and I had an adventure with gardening while Matt was away at work, filling the few planters we have downsized to with flowers my mother-in-law helped me select. It was my first attempt at planting without the instruction of someone experienced; and with Jack by my side, and his inheritance of generations of gardening genes, we set to work. And boy, was it hard work! I was full of pride and short of breath by the time I came in, muddy and satisfied with the work we had done.  I was able to get out another time before the week was over to get some overdo spring clean-up done in the yard, and go for a short walk with Jack.

Most recently, I have been herxing/battling a cold/recovering from my nephew’s birthday party, all since the beginning of June. It was a great gift to see so many friends that I hadn’t in so long, and put my love for party planning/hosting to use by helping out my sister a bit. And much to my surprise, during the party, I wasn’t anxious! In a house FULL of people, I was fine. It has since been a boring stretch, and very unfortunately (but not surprisingly) my low fell on Matt’s days off again. If I could just herx while he was away! One of these times, I will get in synch with his work schedule, and I will be able to share my days “off” with his. My last bit of progress to share is this: Last week I read a novel. It was the first time since I was in the States (September of 2011), that I was able to read a whole novel. Only this time, I could focus. I remembered the characters names and the plot, instead of having to push through for the sake of progress.  It was difficult to fix my attention to at first, but after the first chapter, I was fine. I can read! And I did read: a novel, all in one night.

I have been reading, hearing about, and receiving news of tragedy in its many forms, seemingly non-stop over these past few weeks; tragedies, that I feel, I could personally just not bear.  And it has impressed itself upon my heart the profound knowledge that everybody is carrying a cross. Everybody. For so long I felt that this couldn’t be happening to me; that it wasn’t. It was surreal: to have a seizure, to hallucinate, to undergo surgery, to give myself daily injections and IV’s. But slowly, and with help, I have borne this disease. It is my cross. I have wondered how anyone could be grateful for something like this, and I have tried. I have been indebted to the friends and family that have helped me along the way. I have praised God for the blessings and beauty he brings out of the ashes. But I had not yet been grateful for Lyme disease. How could I be? Now I know. Because it isn’t the cross of losing a child; it isn’t the cross of losing a spouse. It isn’t the cross of living with this disease, or any other; because I am not living with it—I am killing it. I am winning over it. I was dying, but I am not anymore. I can carry my cross, and I am so grateful it is mine.

Praying for all of you, and the crosses you bear.

Blessings and HOPE,

Kate

“Come to me, all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke on you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart:

and you shall find rest to your souls. 

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Matthew 11:28-30